Astute readers will note that this monthly list of three thing failed to come up with anything for two months. Maybe everything just sucked? Maybe things got more busy than usual. Since most of this is written during hours when I should be sleeping, maybe the last two months have been really, really great. And after a nice long rest, I can come back, and get tired.
The question: how to get people to buy condos way the fuck out there. The answer: put an advertorial on a site that has slightly more traffic than the community listserve. First, I get that the folks that run this site have to pay the bills somehow, but if you’re going to host advertorial, well, make them good, not like this poorly thought out argument. I can’t even imagine how this brainstorming session played out: “Let’s think of some things, for people who value safety and predictability, think are super and cool. Like Starbucks! And a really bland restaurant chain! And people like Brooklyn, right? Jay-Z is from there? We should work Brooklyn in.” That’s when the director of marketing (at least 5 years of experience) calls an end to the meeting and declares Tequila as the official beer chaser for the night. If you’re going to get the insecure intern to write this, don’t get them stink drunk the night before. Because you get shit headlines like “Is Sapperton the new Brooklyn?”
I am here to tell you one, really important, fact: Sapperton is not the new Brooklyn.
Brooklyn is the largest of the 5 boroughs, at 250 sq km and 2.5 million people. If Sapperton were an entire third of the city it is a part of, which it is not, it would be just a bit over 5 sq km with maybe 22,000 people. A couple of things should be self-evident here. First, this categorically makes Sapperton nothing like Brooklyn. Not remotely comparable when looking at population, size, density, diversity, industry, geography, weather, cultural amenities, or sport and recreation. For example, I haven't noticed any music venues in Sapperton. As I understand it, Brooklyn has something of a music scene. Brooklyn also has a professional NHL hockey team as well as a Pro basketball team. New Westminster, which is the city that Sapperton is a part of, does have the Salmon Bellies lacrosse team, but that's for the whole city, not Sapperton, so I don't think that counts. Have I missed anything? Seriously, if there's a house in Sapperton that hosts noise rock shows, let me know. That could be pretty cool.
It's not that I think Sapperton is a terrible place. But it's just not a world-influencing epicentre of culture.
Seriously, guys, have you ever really thought about the Sony Sports Walkman? I wanted this pretty badly when I was a kid. And cassette tapes are the new vinyl (so Brooklyn).